just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
