Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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