I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
