She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
