People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
