i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
