Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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