he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
