So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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