i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
