apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
