He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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