dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
