where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
