he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
