You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
