is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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