Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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