I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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