Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
