I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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