"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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