It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
