bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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