from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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