The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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