hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
