dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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