I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
