Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
