drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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