dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
