i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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