I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
