Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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