So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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