I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
