The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
