I think im going to throw up on grandma
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
