God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
