I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
