If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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