he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
last night I used snow as a chaser
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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