Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
