Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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