She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
