fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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