I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
