Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
