she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
