she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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