a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
