Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
